There are some burdens we can choose. There are some we can’t. We cannot control many externals in our life, but the burdens we can choose, the relationships we hold closest to us, those are the burdens we must monitor. There are good burdens. There are toxic burdens.
I define good burdens as the relationships that ground us. That bring us both happiness and fear. That have both positive and negative. No relationship is without its struggles. There will always be times of frustration. There will also be times of plentiful happiness. A good relationship has both.
When we are burdens on those we love, we feel guilty. We never want to bring pain to our closest friends. But it comes with the territory. No one’s life is completely happy. There will be moments of hardship. Since we share our rough spots with our closest friends, they will always feel the pain that we feel. We always take our best friend’s burdens on as our own, to an extent. We can’t help it. We are inherently empathetic. We do the same for them as they do for us. This is healthy.
The toxic burdens emerge when the other person cuts at our soul. Destroys everything inside us. Is beyond insensitive. Never listens. Repeats destruction over and over again. Causes breakdowns at the worst times. Does not reciprocate a loving relationship. These are the toxic burdens. These are the relationships that destroy the vessel. They must be abandoned.
No matter the pain. No matter the hole it leaves. When a relationship is completely toxic, get out. It won’t be easy. Especially if the relationship was once filled with love. Used to bring joy. Used to be a best friend. Remember that there are burdens that are not always good. These bring more devastation to you than you can manage. These are the burdens you must leave.
It won’t be easy. It will hurt your soul. But in the long run, it will bring you more peace. It will let you heal. And when the other person questions your logic, is deeply hurt by your departure, remember your reasons. Remember the hurt and pain.
Know when to leave. Know your limits. Before you break.